Selfishness and self-centeredness big book

A great relationship is unlike anything else in life, and can contribute a lot to our wellbeing and happiness. I must be god centered instead of self centered and god directed rather than self directed. Therefore, there is no room for selfishness in the church. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our selfpity. Steps by the big book 12 step flowcharts lets talk about the 12 steps. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self seeking, and selfpity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they. Levels of selfishness being honest with our self about selfishness out of damaged ego self owning it, learning to accept it without shame and judgment. I dont agree with everything thats in the big book of aa, but there is one part that i think is relevant here, selfishness selfcenteredness. This doesnt mean that i think i should rewrite the big book.

And that seems much more unpleasant than the alternative. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self pity. Alcoholics anonymous quotes by alcoholics anonymous. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking, and selfpity, we step on. Alcoholics anonymous discussion blog by an alcoholic for. Meditation may seem to be a selfish activity to those who have never practiced it but it is quite the opposite. And in turn, fear produces what it lives on, more fear. From the divine selfishness article on their website, reprinted with permission. The words in italics are mine, to highlight the role of selfishness and the ego. The opposite of the selfishness and selfcenteredness is humility.

I have come to realize the big book might be right. I think there is a big difference between selfishness and self care. Selfishness in big book alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and 12. But the big book says, selfishness selfcenteredness. On my first reading of the big book, i remember being struck by this line, and my. On my first reading of the big book, i remember being struck by this line, and my thought was, thats a load of rubbish. Alcoholics anonymous chapter 5, how it works, page 62 selfishness selfcenteredness. How it works 63 when we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed.

There are such implications spattered throughout, but this book is disorganized, poorly written and comes across as very judgmental. The current sca phone number for all sca phone meetings is. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self seeking, and selfpity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. On of the great paradoxes in life as well as relationship is the concept of loving oneself and the concept of selfishness. Selfcenteredness and selfishness alcoholics anonymous. Rereading the big book alcoholics anonymous great britain. Experience the big book aa meetings available online. Dec 22, 2017 at first glance, it would seem that they have little in common. In fact, the text much more deliberately, repeatedly and systematically contradicts the selfish opinion. After i read this i told her about page 62 and references in the doctors opinion. In aa they focus on deflating the ego of the alcoholic. As with most problems, the solution is as difficult or as simple as we make it.

It is not just a look at yourself that we are talking about, it is a searching and fearless moral inventory that we are taking of ourselves. Selfishness and character defects emotional sobriety and food. I continue to have experiences daily that demonstrate to me my problem of selfishness and selfcenteredness. In the big book, the offical book of aa, it says that all alcholics are selfish, egotistical, and need egodeflation. The first requirement is that you see that any life run on selfwill can hardly be a success. According to the big book how is selfishness self centeredness the root of our problems. Self in big book alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and 12. Difference between selfish and selfcentered english. Where does selfishness and selfcenteredness come up for you. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking, and selfpity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. The big book of alcoholics anonymous warns, above everything, we. It is still important to know the difference between what they say and what the book says. The topic of selfishness is addressed in chapter 5 of the big book of alcoholics anonymous. Selfcenteredness also requires the use of all of my character defects.

I bought this book expecting it to address different expressions of self centeredness and how it causes us grief in our lives. May 12, 2016 this is a picture that i made to explain the central role of selfishness. Sorting and rendering passages in the proprietary format of the 164 and more concordance does not in any way imply affiliation with or endorsement by either alcoholics. Nothing in the big book the original program endorses this queer notion. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness.

The difference between selfcenteredness and selfishness. At its core is nothing short of me being very self centered. Unfortunately for me i was the only child, which perhaps engendered the selfishness which played such an important part in bringing on my alcoholism. The big book states, remember that we deal with alcohol any addiction, cunning, baffling, and powerful. This is a picture that i made to explain the central role of selfishness. It is these character defects that block alcoholics from the spiritual solution and connecting to a higher power that will relieve their alcoholism. This mode of thinking is also referred to as selfcenteredness.

Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking. In the big book, bill w elaborates selfcenteredness. Here are schematic flowchart outlines which make use of. Indeed, selfcenteredness itself is heretical because it is the very antithesis of everything jesus taught or exemplified. On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Selfishness and selfcenteredness is the root of our problems. You have to overcome the idea that some selfserving concept or action will help the situation and run towards humility at all costs. Selfishness and character defects emotional sobriety and. Its difficult to admit to ourselves that were selfish, and if we do our ego justifies it. Self in big book alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and 12 traditions. That is why when you read in the above passage from the big book that our selfishness and selfcenteredness is driven by selfdelusion that it starts to make sense. The first requirement is that you see that any life run on self will can hardly be a success.

The aa program says selfishness and self centeredness is the root of our problem big book page 62. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking, and self pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. The opposite of the selfishness and self centeredness is. Maybe realizing the depth of my selfishness and selfcenteredness is part of my moral inventory and for now, i just need to sit with the knowledge that im not the kind, considerate, patient, and tolerant person i am because im motivated by god, but. Selfishness, self centeredness that is the root of all my troubles indeed. Sep 02, 2006 the difference between self centeredness and selfishness. Yet they can give us insights into the difference between selfcenteredness and selfishness. I dont want to slip and i have to be selfish about my recovery. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self. This passage from the big book demonstrates one of the more serious and more common problems in recovery.

I can understand that alcoholics are selfish when drinking but how is it the root of our problems. The alcoholic is an extreme example of selfwill run riot, though he usually doesnt think so. Selfcenteredness anonymous is a 12 step fellowship focused on the recovery from the addiction to being selfcentered. And it produces seeds that give rise to every other heresy imaginable.

Thank you for referencing the pages in the big book. Heres a pivotal quote from the big book of alcoholics anonymous. I was living a life of selfishness and selfcenteredness, and i did not have peace, serenity or joy in my life. Fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking, and selfpity, all things that stem from imagination drive this concern. How to stop it from ruining your relationships we all want our relationships to be successful. Self or god letting go of selfishness human in recovery. Apr 03, 2018 neither could we reduce our selfcenteredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. Indeed, self centeredness itself is heretical because it is the very antithesis of everything jesus taught or exemplified.

The source of all grief paperback september 4, 2012. Jellinek c terror, bewilderment, frustration, despair 2. A selfcentered person would be inclined toward selfish behavior, but not necessarily so. Thank you for the reminder of selfishness and selfcenteredness, and the dry drunk. This is how selfishness and dishonesty manifest themselves in my behavior. The 164 and more book, ebook, and web site are all concordances which display passages from the big book alcoholics anonymous, the twelve steps and twelve traditions, and the a. But the big book says, selfishnessselfcenteredness. Posts about selfishness selfcenteredness written by wade h. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, god was going to be our director.

So, what felt like lowself esteem was really just the result of having too much selfesteemwhich is precisely what selfishness, selfcenteredness that we think is the root of our troubles is telling me. Our actor is selfcentered, egocentric, as people like to call it nowadays. As stated in the big book on page 62, first paragraph. My troubles are of my own making and arise out my living a life run on selfwill. Sep 17, 2011 alcoholics anonymous chapter 5, how it works, page 62 selfishness selfcenteredness.

Examples of selfishness, dishonesty, selfseeking, fear, and inconsideraton by mike b. Sobriety time grows into confidence, overconfidence, and then to outright pride. Neither could we reduce our selfcenteredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. If we are doing stuff that doesnt jive with reality, then it is false. Hes a delightful kid and a dreamerhe wants to leave that little town and do great things. Aa big book, pg 62 this extreme self consciousness, sensitivity to what others think of me is a feature of my alcoholism. Try to apply this simple definition to all you are battling with to understand selfishness and you will find a few simple selfish acts which you can start with. However, selfabsorption tends to refer to behavior that is a bit more extreme than selfcenteredness.

The searching is not just a casual look that never drifts past your comfort level. The big book describes the problem in the discussion of step three. This smog is caused by people doing stuff that doesnt jive with reality. In some of the studies i have read, it has been called electromechanical smog.

Take, for example the paragraph on page 62 selfishness, selfcenteredness. Selfishness and self centeredness is the root of my trouble. This idea, i believe is woven into the aa big book, but it may not be explicitly expressed. Over and over the big book of alcoholics anonymous tells us that the root cause of alcoholic addiction is self a.

Mar 18, 2011 how do we overcome the suffering caused by the ego, or small self. Stinginess resulting from a concern for your own welfare and a disregard of others. One of the main points he argues is that if youre grieving over a loved one dying, is because youre selfish. Character defects are described in the big book as flaws in our makeup which caused our failure and as manifestations of self, expressions of our spiritual disease of selfishness and selfcenteredness. So jesus mourning and grieving for lazarus was selfcentered. My big book step study sponsor came to an open, womens 1212 meeting and spoke on step three. In early sobriety i was referred back to this paragraph on page 62 of the big book so often that i would reread it before i called my sponsor. My experience with the big book of alcoholics anonymous and other recovery readings. Specifically, that a selfish person has a strong bias toward not giving anything time, money, effort, energy, or other support to anyone other than him or herself. If we hang on to the selfishness and selfcenteredness that drove our.

Addicts using a twelvestep model to recover need to look at sel. Once you understand the simple selfish acts the bigger ones will be revealed and easier to see and deal with. Selfishness in big book alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and. How do we overcome the suffering caused by the ego, or small self. The big book states, remember that we deal with alcohol. As it says in the big book on page 62, selfishness self centeredness. Dec 14, 2015 the topic of selfishness is addressed in chapter 5 of the big book of alcoholics anonymous. Any time you are struggling in recovery, start with humility. Being all powerful, he provided what we needed, if we kept close to him and performed his work well. If i am in resentment, i am inconsiderate in its literal meaning to myself and everyone in my life. This pamphlet supplements the larger steps by the big book workbook available free of charge from, and it offers a practical way to get discussions going on the steps.